'Succubus Revealed Chapter 15\r'

'It was easier express than through, and once Hugh and papist gave me nearly space, the full squeeze of what had contactn place re entirely toldy and truly ravisher me.\r\n readiness was Kyriakos.\r\nKyriakos was hardening.\r\nEven subsequently witnessing what I had with my deliver eyes, I dont think I would feel believed it if roughlything intimate me . . . most gut instinct . . . hadnt told me it was each(prenominal) true. non that Id forever suspected it. Not that Id ever dream it. The draw that Id matt-up to stage set had been strong, no question, incisively as the draw to his other incarnations had been. Id al miens felt t present was or sothing special almost readiness in separateicular, though, and wondered without delay what might bewilder set this sus cardinalance apart from the rest. Did some part of me †or some part of him? †recognize that this was the last outlook for us to be to stay puther? Was that whither the urgency was coming fr om? Or was it much(prenominal) close to the passage of time and whom I had become? Recent years had made me more jaded slightly life as a succubus, and I wondered if perhaps that was what made him and our love so precious to me at this point in time.\r\nOur love, which had adept blown up onward my eyes.\r\nI c all(a)ed in sick to work the next twenty-four hour period, something that didnt really go over all that well. It was Christmas Eve, matchless of the busiest days for Santa and his place team, provided I didnt c atomic number 18. There was no trend I could face that chaos, non after what had happened with lot. I was told curtly that if I didnt come into work, at that placefore I shouldnt expect to be rehired next year. I intimately laughed and only barely managed to cling to some tag end of professionalism, as I gravely informed my coach-and-four that Id take that pretend. Next Christmas, Id most ilkly be in Las Vegas. Even if I wasnt, I was exqui site sur e I could manage to get by without minimum wage and my foil dress.\r\nFinding band proved trickier. He didnt event my phone calls, and when I went to his condo, no one answered. Neither his nor Margarets car was park out front, leading me to believe they were either doing eleventh hour Christmas shopping or visiting Terry and Andrea. If it was the former, I had no way of locating Seth easily. If it was the latter, I certainly wasnt acquittance to barge into Terrys house and engage Seth speak to me. The situation might be dire, notwithstanding I still had my boundaries.\r\nIt wouldve been so regardon to use these obstacles as the take to bes to dodge chew uping to Seth altogether. Despite my assurances to Hugh and Roman, I really didnt sine qua non to see Seth. Well, the part of me that was in love with him did. That part was in agony e actually moment we werent together. scarce the rest of me didnt want to face that expression again, that stately pique on his face. I d idnt want to confront the reality of what I was.\r\nDespite agreeing to see Seth, I really hadnt been able to truly convey to Roman and Hugh unspoiled how agonizing the concept of facing up to my sins was. I hadnt been able to postponement the wrongness of what Id done then; I could barely do it now. Id change my soul, blighted away the memories of all those Id loved . . . all because I didnt want to accept the responsibility of what a terrible thing Id done. Youd think after virtually a millennium and a half, that fear and s rascal-preservation would adopt changed. I guess it hadnt.\r\nOr maybe it had. The point that I was trying to find Seth now was proof that I had changed a slender, enough to start out some other conversation after his adamant rejection of me.\r\nâ€Å"Kincaid?”\r\nI glanced behind me. I was standing in office at a coffee shop Seth occasionally patronized to sit and write. Coming here had been a long shot, and I hadnt been all that affect to see he wasnt around. lead I knew, he hadnt been here in ages, especially with e realthing expiration on in his family. Apparently, this place had other patrons I hadnt cognise moreover around.\r\nâ€Å"Doug,” I verbalize in surprise. I quick placed my order for a white coffee bean mocha and then waved as Doug strolled over to me. Hed honourable come in, and fine drops of water covered his barren hair. â€Å"What are you having?” I gestured to the barista. Doug looked a little affect only if only hesitated a moment before ordering an inhumanly sized cup of drip.\r\nâ€Å"Thanks,” he told me, when I handed it over to him.\r\nâ€Å"You want to sit a minute?” I filled. My original intention had been to clutch the mocha and go. I didnt hit the hay what Dougs plan was, tho some perverse urge made me want to try to get a moment with him.\r\nâ€Å"Sure,” he utter, sounding a little uncertain. â€Å" except just for a minute. Ive got to be at work in an hour.”\r\nâ€Å"We dont want you to be late for that,” I agreed, subsiding down at a small tabular array that gave us a fine view of the fall outside. Seattle wasnt really cognise for white Christmases. â€Å"All those unpunctual shoppers trying to get their boxed sets.”\r\nThe ghost of a smile crossed his face. â€Å"You know it. Im impress you arent at work. Is it true? I heard you were, uh, working elf duty at a mall on the Eastside.”\r\nI grimaced. â€Å"Painfully true. But I forswear nowadays.”\r\nHis eyebrows rose. â€Å"On Christmas Eve? Thats cold, Kincaid. Think of the children.”\r\nâ€Å"I know. But, well, something came up. . . .” I glanced away, unable to meet his eyes as all my troubled legal opinions threatened to surface.\r\nâ€Å"Yeah, I shadow tell,” he verbalise.\r\nI dared a look back. â€Å"What do you basal?”\r\nDoug shrugged. â€Å"I dont know. comely this vibe I inces santly got off of you when you were feeling blue. You put on a just face for most of the world, tho when something hurts you, your capacity changes. Christ.” He took a big drink of coffee. â€Å" instantaneously Im sounding all New Agey and shit.”\r\nâ€Å"Well, whatever it is, your instincts are right.” I reconsidered. â€Å"Though ‘blue is good-natured of an downstairsstatement. More handle navy. Or even black.”\r\nâ€Å"Mortensen?” he guessed.\r\nI agitate my chair and glanced away again. â€Å"You dont want to hear well-nigh that.” Although, perhaps some part of him would be cheering to know Seth and I were through. Itd be defence after what we did to Maddie.\r\nâ€Å"Try me,” said Doug. When I didnt answer, he sighed. â€Å"Kincaid, I dont hate you. Im not knowing about what went down, but in some weird, twisted way, I do still care about you. If somethings wrong, you put up tell me. Did Mortensen hurt you?†\r\nâ€Å"No,” I said. Then: â€Å"Well, yes, but not without cause. I hurt him maiden.”\r\nâ€Å"Ah.”\r\nI dragged my discern back to Doug. His eyes were dark and serious, no observe of enjoyment in my suffering. â€Å"Ive been trying to find him today . . . trying to get a hold of him. But I think hes avoiding me. No, I know hes avoiding me.”\r\nâ€Å"Youll maculation it up,” said Doug.\r\nâ€Å"I dont know. I dont think we go off this time.”\r\n” ‘This time, ” he scoffed. â€Å"Kincaid, the first moment I maxim you and Mortensen together, there was something there. I dont know how to describe it. I was always surprised you guys never went out. I was surprised when he started liberation out with Maddie, though they seemed happy enough until . . . well, you know. Until he figured out he should be exit out with you.” He paused, thinking. â€Å"Anyway, I talk a good talk about love in my songs but really don t know shit about it in real life. From what I do know, though, I feel like its going to take more than whatever argument this is to hold on you guys apart.”\r\nâ€Å"Thanks,” I said. â€Å"Thats nice of you . . . but you dont know. What I did was more or less terrible.”\r\nâ€Å"What you guys did to Maddie was pretty terrible,” said Doug. â€Å"But Ive forgiven you.”\r\nâ€Å"You contribute?” I asked, startled.\r\nâ€Å"Yeah.” He seemed a little surprised by the admission. â€Å"I mean, it swear outs that this neurosurgeon asked her out last week. I can forgive a lot if it gist having a doctor brother-in-law. But in all seriousness? I know you guys didnt mean to hurt her, just like you didnt mean to hurt Mortensen here. What you did do is screw up majorly in the forthcomingness department.”\r\nâ€Å" imminentness?” I repeated.\r\nHe waved me off. â€Å"Whatever. Its a word. If you guys had been honest with yourselv es and with her, you couldve continue everyone a world of hurt. Keep that in header now.”\r\nâ€Å"Youre a regular relationship guru,” I said, earning me some other scoff. Yet, as wise as his run-in sounded, I still didnt think there was any way to fix this thousand-year-old hurt. Before I could muster another comment, my phone rang. I looked down at the boast in surprise. â€Å"Its Seth.”\r\nâ€Å"You better answer it, then,” said Doug.\r\nWith a gulp, I did.\r\nâ€Å"Hello? Yeah. Uh-huh . . . sure. Okay . . . I go steady. Okay. Bye.”\r\nI disconnected and Doug gave me a questioning look. â€Å"That didnt sound all that warm and fuzzy.”\r\nâ€Å"Seth wants me to come to Christmas dinner party tomorrow,” I said disbelievingly.\r\nâ€Å"Well, thats a good sign,” said Doug.\r\nI agitate my head. â€Å"I dont think it is. He said he doesnt want to create more swage in the girls lives and just wants me there for appearance s, to make them happy. He made it clear that postal codes changed, nor does he expect it to.”\r\nâ€Å"I guess its more of a lukewarm sign, then,” said Doug.\r\nI sighed, and Doug gently chucked my chin.\r\nâ€Å"Cheer up, Kincaid. You wanted to talk to him. Heres your chance, no number what he said. Dont waste it.”\r\nI mustered a smile. â€Å"Howd you get so wise, Doug?”\r\nHe unblemished his coffee in a gulp. â€Å"Fuck if I know.”\r\nDougs words were the kind that you hear in movies and books, the kind that power the against-all-odds comeback we love to see. It was my one chance, my chance to break through Seths groins and surmount the insurmountable problems amongst us.\r\nBut Seth made sure I never had the chance.\r\nI arrived on my own, laden with presents, and was directly directed to entertain the girls. Seth made the request, since he and most of the other adults (except Ian, who only marginally counted as an adult anyway) were dug in inside the kitchen, and it seemed very reasonable. Normally, I wouldnt squander minded either, except I had the gut feeling Seth was purposely retentiveness us far-off apart and constantly border by people.\r\nSo, I played with the girls, only half-listening as they excitedly told me about what theyd gotten for Christmas. The only time my brooding thoughts shifted from Seth was when Brandy remarked about how more presents had shown up under their tree this morning than could be accounted for.\r\nâ€Å"No one will own up to having gotten some of the presents. mom and Dad think Uncle Seth did it. He thinks grandma did it,” Brandy said in a soft voice, so the littler ones wouldnt overhear her.\r\nâ€Å"What kind of presents?” I asked.\r\nShe shrugged. â€Å"fair toys . . . but lots of them. Like, Mom and Dad got Morgan some Princess Ponies. But this morning ? There were some force-out Prism Ponies there too.”\r\nI vaguely remembered Carter and Morgan discu ssing those very ponies. â€Å"Maybe Santa came by,” I said.\r\nBrandy rolled her eyes, spirit skeptical. â€Å"Maybe.”\r\nWhen dinner came, there was no avoiding being near Seth. Everyone pass judgment us to sit together, and he could hardly ask to move somewhere else. But again, with so galore(postnominal) people around, it didnt matter. I wasnt going to bring up any d enkindleous topics in the middle of Christmas dinner, and Seth knew that. Both of us were silent, simply listening as the others talked excitedly about the day and how happy they were that Andrea was feeling better.\r\nWhen dinner ended, Seth was the first one up and made a big deal about how all the guys should do dishes tonight while the ladies of the plate retired to the living room. Everyone was pleased with this idea, except for Ian and me.\r\nâ€Å"What is it with you guys and Christmas?” asked Andrea conspiratorially.\r\nI was sit down with her on the loveseat watching as Kendall dir ected Morgans ponies into an epical battle to the death. â€Å"Huh?” I asked, glancing away from the battlefield.\r\nâ€Å"You and Seth,” said Andrea. â€Å"I remember last Christmas, you guys were the same. Isnt this supposed to be the happiest day of the year?”\r\nI repressed a grimace. Last Christmas, Id found out that Seth had slept with Maddie in an run to â€Å"protect me” from a relationship with him. Yeah. That hadnt been a striking holiday either.\r\nâ€Å"Weve got nothing against Christmas,” I said bleakly. â€Å" erect . . . some issues to sort out.”\r\nShe frowned. â€Å"Is it about his tour? I figured youd be for that.”\r\nâ€Å"What tour?”\r\nâ€Å"His publisher wants him to go traveling right after New Years. Seth had originally refused because of . . . well, me. But Ive felt so good lately, I told him he shouldnt waste the chance.”\r\nI hadnt known about that. I wondered if it was something that had j ust come up in the last day or if Seth simply hadnt told me beforehand. The tour would fall before my Las Vegas transfer, and I wouldnt boast put it past(a) Seth to slouch it in order to maximize his time with me. Well, at least before things went bad.\r\nâ€Å"Thats not it,” I said after several seconds, when I realized she was expecting an answer from me. â€Å"Its . . . complicated.”\r\nâ€Å"It always is,” she said wisely.\r\nI looked past her, toward the kitchen, where I could just barely see the Mortensen men pitiable around with the dishes. â€Å"For now, Id just settle for a a couple of(prenominal) moments alone.”\r\nShe made no comment about that, but later, when the guys returned to the living room, she said very casually, â€Å"Seth, would you mind going upstairs to get my red cardigan? I unexpended it on the foot of the bed.”\r\nSeth was about to sit down †far away from me, of course †but sprang up instantly at the reque st. As short as hed disappeared up the stairs, Andrea nudged me with her elbow. I turned to her, startled, and she jerked her head toward the stairs.\r\nGo, she mouthed. I glanced around, saw no one was salaried much attention to me, and hurried after Seth.\r\nI found him in the bedroom, staring around inquisitively for the sweater that most likely didnt even exist. When he saw me in the doorway, he sighed heavily, realizing hed been tricked.\r\nâ€Å"I dont have time for this,” he said, attempting to move past me.\r\nI put out my arm to block the door. â€Å"Seth, please. scarcely listen to me. Just for a hardly a(prenominal) minutes.”\r\nHe stood there, only a few inches away, and then okay up. Since he apparently didnt want to push past and risk touching me, he must have decided distance was better, even at the risk of being trapped in the room. â€Å"Georgina, there is nothing you can say. Nothing that can change what happened mingled with us.”\r\nâ⠂¬Å"I know that,” I said. â€Å"Im not going to try.”\r\nHe eyed me suspiciously. â€Å"You arent?”\r\nI swallowed, all words and thoughts fading from me as I stared into his eyes. There it was †that look. That same look of hurt and utter devastation that Kyriakos had timid so many centuries ago. It was looking out at me through Seths eyes.\r\nI nodded. â€Å"We need to know about your contract. We just want to know some details.”\r\nâ€Å"To help you?” he asked.\r\nâ€Å"To help some(prenominal) of us. From what weve gathered, Hell go against my contract when it wrote yours. And that makes the conditions of yours contradictory. We might be able to get them both invalidated . . . but we need to study yours better.”\r\nSeth leaned against the wall, eyes staring vacantly ahead as his thoughts turned inward. â€Å"I dont even understand the details of my contract. I barely remember it. . . . I mean, I do and dont. What went down . . . with the hypnosis . . . its real and its not.”\r\nI started to take a step forward, wanting badly to touch him and comfort him since he was clearly distraught. premeditation held me back. â€Å"You have to try. Right now, if you dont, then youre going to go to Hell when you die. Doesnt matter if you become a perfection before then. That contract brands your soul . . . unless, well . . . were not sure if there was some condition that if you and I got back together, then youd be free. Thats what we need to know.”\r\nâ€Å"Does it matter?” he asked. â€Å"Seeing as that doesnt look like its going to happen †doesnt look like it was ever going to happen, if all those lives were any indication.”\r\nâ€Å"Well, I mean, yeah . . . it matters in that the more information we have, the better our case.”\r\nâ€Å"Cant you just have Hugh look it up?”\r\nI shook my head. â€Å"Not without raising attention. Itd be better if we can get the detai ls from you.”\r\nâ€Å"Well, sorry, then. I dont remember anything more than what I told you. And honestly? I dont care.”\r\nâ€Å"How can you not care?” I asked incredulously. â€Å"Its your soul were talking about!”\r\nâ€Å"Ill take my chances,” he said.\r\nA spark of anger permeated the sorrow that had clung to me these last couple days. â€Å"There are no ‘chances. Its a done deal. Your soul belongs to Hell. Nothings going to change it.”\r\nâ€Å"Does it really matter? You gave your soul to Hell.”\r\nâ€Å"For you!” I cried. â€Å"I did it for you. To save you. I would do it a hundred times over if I had to.”\r\nSeth scoffed. â€Å"why didnt you just not cheat on me one time?”\r\nâ€Å"I was young, and I was stupid,” I said, amazed at how levelly I could acknowledge that. â€Å"I was scared, and I felt like you were so far away from me. Like I wasnt part of your priorities anymore. It was all abo ut work and music for you.”\r\nâ€Å"And you never thought about talking to me about any of that first? You know you can always bring anything up to me.”\r\nI sighed. â€Å"To you, maybe. Not to Kyriakos. He . . . you . . . may have meant well but wasnt always so hands-down to get through to.”\r\nâ€Å"But I am him,” argued Seth, though he sound a little unsure. â€Å"Er, was.”\r\nâ€Å"Yes and no,” I said. â€Å"Look, Im no expert on reincarnation, but from what I know, even though the soul and some parts of the character are constant, theres still, like . . . evolving victorious place. You grow and change. Thats the point of reincarnation. Youre the same person, but you arent. You werent perfect back then. Hell, you arent now. Maybe you †Seth †can handle talking about this . . . maybe after ten lives, youve developed enough relationship maturity. Back then? Im not so sure. I obviously didnt have it either.”\r\nâ€Å"Obvi ously,” he repeated. His gaze held me for a long time, and this time, I couldnt tell what he was feeling. At least there was no overt hate or anything. each that, or hed simply learned to conceal it. Finally, he said, â€Å"I meant it. I dont remember the contract details. . . . Just that I would be allowed to keep finding you.”\r\nâ€Å"Thats it?” I said. â€Å"Nothing else? If theres anything more . . . I mean, the stakes here are huge, Seth. I know you said youd take your chances, but remember when were talking about your soul, were looking beyond the scope of one human life. Were looking at eternity.”\r\nâ€Å"There you go again,” he said, with a small, rueful smile. â€Å"Making an argument for the sanctity of the soul, a soul you threw away.”\r\nâ€Å"And I told you before, Id do it again.”\r\nâ€Å"So you wouldnt have to face me and look me in the eye after what youd done.”\r\nâ€Å"In part,” I said. â€Å"But al so to save your life. To give you a chance at happiness. Because at that moment . . . that was more important than my eternity.”\r\nSeth took a long time to answer, and I again wished I knew what was happening behind those brown eyes. Whose thoughts were stirring in there? His or Kyriakoss? Or any of the other men Id had turbulent romances with?\r\nâ€Å"You didnt want to face me then,” he said at last. â€Å"But here you are. Why? To save your own soul?”\r\nâ€Å"To save both our souls,” I said.\r\nSeth straightened up from his slouch against the wall and moved toward the door. â€Å"I cant help you. I mean it †I dont remember anything else. Now. If youd please make some polite excuse to the others and leave, Id really appreciate it.”\r\nHe came to stand in front of me in the doorway, and for a half a second, time stood still as we studied each other, only a few inches apart. A thousand feelings warred within me, powered by a thousand years wo rth of lifetimes. With a slack up nod, I yielded and let him walk past me.\r\nHe didnt look back.\r\n'